Fay's favorite five.

Hi Friends!

Here is your weekly dose of Fay's favorite five ~ a 5-minute or five-second thought from me, based on something I’m loving, learning, or exploring.

Feel free to forward it along if the spirit moves you.

On the most important question

I came across a question in Tim Ferriss's newsletter a few weeks ago, and I've been thinking about it since:

How do you feel when you wake up and when you get into bed at night, and how easily do you fall asleep?

Such a simple question.

And so revealing.

His point: those few minutes in bed, night and morning, tell you almost everything you need to know.

It's not a pro-and-con list. It's not a spreadsheet. It's just... how do you feel?

Which raises a harder question. Do we even know how we feel? So much of our energy quietly goes into thinking instead of feeling.

He borrows a line from Tara Brach that I've heard before, but it still stops me in my tracks:

There was a wise old sage who said, 'There's really only one question worth considering, and that is:

What are you unwilling to feel?

If you get into bed replaying the shortcomings of the day or anxiously rehearsing tomorrow...

If you wake up with a pit in your stomach and want to pull the covers back over your head...

Maybe that's not proof that something is wrong with you.

Maybe it's information.

A gentle flag that something in your life needs to stop, shrink, or get more of your attention.

Very often, it's pointing to a feeling we've been working hard not to feel. Disappointment. Worry. Loneliness. A hurt we never named. A conversation we keep putting off.

The feelings we push away don't actually leave. They just wait for a quiet moment.

Like bedtime.

Or the first few seconds of the morning.

But when we turn toward them, name them, and give them a little room, they tend to loosen their grip. The racing thoughts quiet down. The pit in our stomach softens. Sleep comes a little easier.

What we're willing to feel, we can heal.

Tim calls this one question a systems check-in. I love that. Not a judgment. A check-in.

So this week, I'm trying it, and I invite you to join me.

Tonight, when your head hits the pillow, and tomorrow morning, pause for ten seconds and notice how you feel.

Collect that information this week.

And if something keeps showing up, gently ask yourself: What am I unwilling to feel?

Then, little by little, let yourself feel it.

On patterns of unhappy people

We spend so much of our time trying to find happiness.

But often the best way to find happiness is by subtracting.

Instead of asking, "What will make me happy?"

Maybe ask, "What's quietly making me unhappy, and how can I stop?"

I came across a list of the patterns of unhappy people [source: Shane Parrish, graphic and edits by me].

I thought it was just so brilliant and so on point. (A few of these stung a little.)

Read it slowly. Not as a list about other people, but as a mirror.

Most of us will find ourselves in at least one line (I certainly did).

And that's actually good news.

Because a pattern isn't a life sentence. It's a habit. And habits can change.

Choose one, the one that made you wince a little. Notice it this week, and gently do a little less of it.

If we break the patterns keeping us unhappy, happiness will be our default.

On winning vs. growth

Winning isn't what makes you feel good. Growth makes you feel good.

Sometimes they are the same thing.

When you achieve something for the first time, it's growth. You've reached a new level. [It's also a win, and] the win feels satisfying.

But when you do it for the tenth time (or the hundredth time), it can feel stale. You're still winning, but you're not necessarily growing.

The secret is not to worry about winning, but rather to focus on growing.

And the most straightforward way to grow is to learn something.

If you're ever feeling stuck, go learn something new. Read, write, think, learn, repeat.

When you're learning, you're growing.

-James clear

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Wishing you all a beautiful Shabbos and sending so much love to you and yours!

Until soon,

Fay Brezel

Founder & Author

​OKclarity.com​

​Grow with the Flow​

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